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Extravagant travel for trust fund babes

For your average trust fund babe it’s not just the destination that’s important, getting there in style is the first major battle that needs to be fought with Daddy. Getting to the airport by taxi is so last year: helicopter transfers are better. Then, if he suggests flying scheduled, utter a sneering laugh. Check-in queues and security screening is hardly your style: a plane of your own means you can skirt all these problems. If Daddy doesn’t already have his own jet then this might be a good time for him to buy one. Alternatively, there are plenty of private charter operators running private jets for charter. Brush away his old copies of ‘Me and my Wealth’ magazine and leave out a few private jet hire brochures instead.

You then need Daddy to arrange to look after you abroad. A few visa cards are always useful, but in case you need to buy something expensive – like a small hideaway villa, for example, a yacht, or a cute new baby – you’ll need him to have made arrangements for international money transfer. Of course much of your own money is already tied up offshore but most of the accounts are so secret only Daddy’s accountant knows exactly what money is where: you just need a good tax-declared facility at a bank like LloydsTSB International to cover unexpected expenses.

You’ll need to take a friend, of course. You can’t be expected to talk to the pilots, who probably have mortgages and are little more than jumped-up tradesmen. Though the uniforms are nice. Having two of you along will make your private jet charter even better value. It’s a shame Daddy doesn’t like any of your boyfriends so you’ll just have to choose one of your plainer little girl friends who can help carry your shopping and mop up the ugly men you meet along the way.

Then it’s time to think about where to go. There are lots of exclusive spas around but walk into them and you’re in wrinkle city. The sort of people who go to spas just seem to be so old. You’ll need a private island with its own private spa. These can be found on the Maldives, though sometimes here the islands are so small they’re little more than an offshore rock with piers: the Caribbean’s better if you pick your season right. If the price is high enough it’s sometimes OK to share: there’s nothing wrong with meeting up with the younger class of tennis professional or rock musician, as long as you catch them before they get boring. Of course many of them start boring in any case so it’s vital to keep the jet on standby in case you need a quick getaway.

However much money you throw at your beach resort it’s a sad truth that the beach remains sandy, the sea salty and the sun hot. After day one on the sunlounger your shoulders have gone pink, you’re itching in every crevice and your hair is as frizzed as a desert plant. So – after a good long spa bath and massage – it’s a good time to hit the shops.

The great shopping cities are just made for your money. New York, Tokyo, Milan all have the sort of shops you like. True, few of the designer clothes really suit you – and even fewer fit – but the bags such dresses are packed in surely do. Where you shop is who you are and there’s no easier way to advertise the size of your trust fund.

Even on the wealthy the sun sets at night. But this is when a trust fund babe can really show true class. A stretch limo is hardly easy to park but then you’re not going to be driving it: there’s a man in a cap who does that. The best clubs are the ones with the biggest queues but you don’t stand in them. Contacts might help get you waved on through but cash is a good alternative: take plenty to wave around.

Eventually the most sophisticated stimulants wear off and it’s time to return to your hotel. A little forethought now pays off here. There’s no way to have a party in a mere hotel room: in case you meet anyone interesting on your cruise around the city’s nightlife it’s vital to have booked a suite, with room service, plenty of space and, of course, citywide views.

The next day the private plane comes into its own – again. After all, you can’t miss Monday. You’ve got to be at school.

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